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[unusualmusic_lj_archive]

hattip: Republic of t


http://www.bspcn.com/2008/01/09/top-100-funny-quotes/






My faves:

99. “You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America’s Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn’t want to
go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named ‘Bush’, ‘Dick’, and ‘Colon.’ Need I say more?”

Chris Rock


66. I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land.

Jon Stewart

45. The real reason that we can’t have the Ten Commandments in a courthouse: You cannot post “Thou shalt not steal,” “Thou shalt not commit adultery,” and “Thou shalt not lie” in a building full of lawyers, judges, and politicians. It creates a hostile work environment.

46. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

George Carlin


34. A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.

36. The best argument against democracy is a five-minute conversation with the average voter.

Winston Churchill

21. No snowflake in an avalanche ever feels responsible.

22. The true triumph of reason is that it enables us to get along with those who do not possess it.

25. Anyone who has the power to make you believe absurdities has the power to make you commit injustices.

20. Every man is guilty of all the good he didn’t do.
Voltaire

29. One of the penalties for refusing to participate in politics is that you end up being governed by your inferiors.

30. No one ever teaches well who wants to teach, or governs well who wants to govern.

Plato

13. Don’t go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.

Mark Twain

7. In the beginning was nonsense, and the nonsense was with God, and the nonsense was God.

8. A casual stroll through a lunatic asylum shows that faith does not prove anything.

Frederick Nietzche

2. As far as the laws of mathematics refer to reality, they are not certain; as far as they are certain, they do not refer to reality.

3. Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.

5. If you are out to describe the truth, leave elegance to the tailor.

Albert Einstein

Voltaire and Plato aren't particularly funny though. They are just bloody true!